In a recent magazine article entitled “Cyberbullying,”* a statement caught my eye and ire. The statement was: “Whereas children could traditionally find in their homes a safe haven from bullies ...”;
My mind immediately exclaimed: Traditionally??!! Safe haven?!
I suppose my consciousness-factor (and irritability) is somewhat high on this issue for three reasons:
1) a recent news report1 of how damaging bullying WITHIN the home can be;If bullying by siblings and parents does not fall within our consciousness or articulations, how many abused kids, parents, or spouses (both male and female) are left unaware that their torment is, IN FACT, a result of bullying by a family member?
2) recent thoughts about the déjà vu of family bullying—beginning with Cain. How many scripture stories tell of family bullying? Cain killing Abel; young Joseph sold into Egypt by his brothers; young David and his scornful brother (1 Sam 17:28-29); Nephi persecuted by his brothers, Laman and Lemuel; the Jaredite sagas of competing and usurping sons, etc., etc. And how many historical accounts of family bullying? King Herod being a classic, tragic example; AND
3) recent awareness of a father2 who is bullying his children (in part) to wreak vengeance on an ex-wife; using his teenage and adult children to send (unbelievable) texts and messages to other siblings who will not conform to his will; a father who claims his “priesthood” gives him the right (of inspiration!) to “direct” (meaning dictate)3; a father whose self-awareness approaches the negative and whose aspirations know no limit. It is unbelievably tragic—with consequences to be played out perhaps over generations.
PLEASE, let us recognize: some of the most damaging bullying does not invade the home—it originates there. It is mostly NOT anonymous. It can be exacerbated by technology. And the “What to Do” of the Ensign article leaves kids (and others) with little awareness and no suggestions on how to deal with family bullies, especially when the bully is a parent or spouse, or a sibling/child egged on by such a parent.
And please, be advised: this post is not to say that all homes have bullies. Many homes are trying desperately to be safe havens, and for them the Ensign article may be helpful. It’s just that too often we seem to idealize our homes and whitewash or ignore offending realities.
When a thing is not named for what it is, both victim and perpetrator remain uncounted and unaccountable.
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* August 2013 Ensign (p. 39)
1. http://www.ctvnews.ca/health/bullying-by-siblings-as-harmful-as-schoolyard-bullying-study-1.1328875
2. Vengeful mothers can be just as guilty.
3. In complete contravention (and cognition) of D&C 121:41-43.
