Can Your Marriage Be Saved?

For source & attribution, see
 footnote 8 below

In all your sufferings, have you ever thought about “Operation Eden”? Is it possible that the adversary, in seeking to destroy the PLAN, intended to split-up the First Couple? perhaps keeping one in Eden while getting the other kicked out? or in the alternative, getting them both kicked out — to the east AND to the west with never-the-twain-to-meet because of blame and hostility? Granted the split-up in Operation Eden didn't materialize, but from the adversary's point of view there must have been enough accruing benefits (like Cain and siblings¹) to stick with the “split-up-as-many-as-we-can” plan.

There are undoubtedly many reasons for split-ups, but the prologue to separation or divorce seems to frequently follow a repeating, 4-step pattern (as summarized here² and here³) — despite hours and sessions of counselling.

SO, could one of the exacerbating factors be the counselling itself?⁴ Consider:

▪ if the adversary's agenda, from before Day One was to destroy souls and relationships, would he not be subtle enough to establish or infiltrate modern-day counselling modalities with subtle divisive elements?⁵
▪ how many counselors focus primarily on “mote”⁶ therapy where complaints, sins, and disappointments are aired? (again and again?)
▪ does the counselor request individual goal-setting which ends up with one or both partners demanding behavior modification in the other? (otherwise it's over?)
▪ do the counselling sessions and suggestions seem to divide more than heal?
▪ do spiritual advisors who send couples off to counselling ever keep a tally of the success / failure ratio?⁷ Is it always the fault of the suffering couple?
▪ what would a Christ-centered modality look like? Would it make a difference?

Yes, what would a Christ-centered modality look like?

Perhaps we are in luck. Perhaps

Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel

is an answer. What has one got to lose? a marriage? a family? a fraction of what counselling sessions cost?

Four years ago, a dear family member encountered both counselling and Mort Fertel. Whatever the outcome, more sufferers need to encounter Mr. Fertel. In this writer's view, every relationship (family, friend, foe) could benefit from the principles and practices recommended at:

https://marriagemax.com/

-----------------------------/
1. Pearl of Great Price | Moses 5:12–16 ~ And Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters. And Satan came among them, saying: I am also a son of God; and he commanded them, saying: Believe it not; and they believed it not, and they loved Satan more than God. And men began from that time forth to be carnal, sensual, and devilish. ... And Adam and Eve, his wife, ceased not to call upon God. And Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bare Cain, and said: I have gotten a man from the Lord; wherefore he may not reject his words. But behold, Cain hearkened not, saying: Who is the Lord that I should know him?
2. http://dejavu-timestwo.blogspot.com/2015/12/anatomy-of-disaffection.html (From thoughts sparked by Russell M. Stendal)
3. http://dejavu-timestwo.blogspot.com/2015/11/prologue-to-divorce.html (From thoughts sparked by Russell M. Stendal)
4. This is not to say that all counselling is unhelpful, but considering the number of divorces despite long and costly sessions, one wonders what the tally of wins and losses are for counselors, many of whom view the success of their practice in terms of income rather than marriages saved vis-à-vis divorces.
5. Doctrine and Covenants | Section 46:7-9 ~ But ye are commanded in all things to ask of God, who giveth liberally; and that which the Spirit testifies unto you even so I would that ye should do in all holiness of heart, walking uprightly before me, considering the end of your salvation, doing all things with prayer and thanksgiving, that ye may not be seduced by evil spirits, or doctrines of devils, or the commandments of men; for some are of men, and others of devils. Wherefore, beware lest ye are deceived; and that ye may not be deceived seek ye earnestly the best gifts, always remembering for what they are given; For verily I say unto you, they are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do; that all may be benefited that seek or that ask of me, that ask and not for a sign that they may consume it upon their lusts. (Bold emphasis added.)
6. New Testament | Matthew 7:3-4 ~ And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
7. If the majority of patients keep dying, would one not be moved to reconsider the remedy applied?
8. Wikimedia Commons image: By Tim Houlihan [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], from Wikimedia Commons; (cropped by SMS)
Page URL: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mending_my_broken_heart.JPG
File URL: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0f/Mending_my_broken_heart.JPG

Anatomy of Disaffection

(An escalating, global epidemic?)

Disaffection
noun
~ a state of dissatisfaction or alienation ~ the growing disaffection between players
Source: https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/disaffection

Some patterns seem so repetitive—so easy to initiate by the enemy of all that is good. One such pattern is the four-step path of relationship breakdown (as discussed in the previous post¹). In recent years, it seems that relationship breakdown has exploded on a global scale. The adversary appears almost in panic mode with the shortness of time left to him.² So behold, the abbreviated micro- / macro-pattern of relationship breakdown between nations, kindreds, tongues, and peoples:

First come feelings and/or thoughts, like:

disagreement, dissatisfaction, discontent, resentment, antagonism, alienation, dislike, unfriendliness, hostility, aversion, antipathy, estrangement, ill will, animosity, repugnance.

As the feelings and thoughts remain unchecked and undisciplined, they expand and deepen until
2) they begin to manifest in words of derision and demand.
As the words expand and deepen, they reinforce the feelings and thoughts until
3) the motives, agendas, morals, and worth of the other are questioned and condemned.
As this third phase expands and deepens, the whole cycle is reinforced until
4) the relationship is abandoned (sometimes in favor of new associations), though all too often, the disaffected relationship becomes the focus of an angry, destructive obsession.

So the question is: Do we ever monitor (are we even aware of) where we are in the recycling disaffections of our lives?—disaffections with people/s? institutions? governments? circumstances? God?

It is so easy to begin the process of disaffection—with just a single, small thought or feeling. Is that why Jesus said:

Ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, and it is also written before you, that thou shalt not kill, and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment of God; But I say unto you, that whosoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of his judgment. And whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council; and whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire (Book of Mormon | 3 Nephi 12:21-22)?

Is that why some scribe added the phrase, “without a cause,” to the New Testament version³ because anger and disaffection are so common—so easily justifiable—so in sync with the will and ways of the “Natural Man”?⁴

Is that why Jesus told Peter:

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven (New Testament | Matthew 18:21-22)?

Yet, even in the face of these words, we must ask: Is disaffection ever justified?

And Moses rose up and went unto Dathan and Abiram; and the elders of Israel followed him. And he spake unto the congregation, saying, Depart, I pray you, from the tents of these wicked men, and touch nothing of theirs, lest ye be consumed in all their sins. (Old Testament | Numbers 16:25-26)

But can this really be called disaffection in light of Jesus’ other words?

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. (New Testament | Matthew 5:43-48)

I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds. (Doctrine and Covenants | Section 64:10-11)

So perhaps disaffection and most of its synonyms are not justified even when the will of God is that we move on or away from a place of oppression, corruption, or iniquity.

What did God expect of those called to move on—those like Abraham, Moses, Lehi, Nephi, Mosiah, Alma the elder, Mahonri & Jared, Mulek, and so forth?⁵ For the most part, it seems they were called to bear their witness without rancor or hostility and  then let God take care of the consequences of choice in His own time and way. They were not to dwell or labor in disaffection. They were to live, love, and forgive according to the mind and will of God.

Yet, no matter where we are in the world today, we increasingly hear words (from atheists to ministers, from politicians to Zionists, and everywhere in-between) promoting disaffection—against and amongst Christians, Muslims, Arabs, Jews, immigrants, refugees, nations, leaders, police, opponents, the poor, and on and on.

And so we begin to fear—to become angry, suspicious, paranoid, even violent—the perfect set-up to escalate more disaffection and chaos (the hidden agenda) in furtherance of  a “new order.”

But why should we fear? If we have clean hands and a pure heart—if we live in Christ and He in us—there is NOTHING to fear—especially not death. Why can we not take example from the trusting reply to a King’s arrogant challenge of “who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?”

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up (Old Testament | Daniel 3:15-18, bold emphasis added).

Please, let us remember:

▪  we are all brothers and sisters—children of a supreme and sovereign God;
▪  we all sin and desperately need daily repentance;
▪  God alone knows “degrees of difficulty” and degrees of accountability;
▪  the degrees of manipulation, mind-control, and deception inspired by Lucifer are almost beyond comprehension, so how can we be sure we know the truth of a matter if we are not in tune with the mind of God;
▪  the greatest degree of manipulation, mind-control, and deception is being perpetuated upon those who think they are the manipulators and controllers;
▪  because of pervasive wickedness in the world,⁶ Jesus counseled, “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves” (New Testament | Matthew 10:16);
▪  the individual permutations of God’s mercy, justice and judgment are, and will be, perfect;
▪  generalized disaffections are unwise and unjust because God has a remnant within every nation, kindred, tongue, and people who stand for truth and righteousness;

In that day shall there be a highway out of Egypt to Assyria, and the Assyrian shall come into Egypt, and the Egyptian into Assyria, and the Egyptians shall serve with the Assyrians. In that day shall Israel be the third with Egypt and with Assyria, even a blessing in the midst of the land: Whom the LORD of hosts shall bless, saying, Blessed be Egypt my people, and Assyria the work of my hands, and Israel mine inheritance (Old Testament | Isaiah 19:23-25; bold emphasis added).

Let us not be drawn into disaffections. Let us live the compassion that Jesus preached, whatever the perceived cost. Only God knows the truth of every heart. And only in Him will we have the strength to endure the disaffections of others.

--------------------------------/
1. “Prologue to Divorce” at http://dejavu-timestwo.blogspot.ca/2015/11/prologue-to-divorce.html which reviews the steps outlined by Russell M. Stendal in Appendix 4, entitled, “The Fatal Tailspin,” from his book Rescue the Captors: Written from within a Marxist guerrilla camp in Colombia, the true story of a kidnapped jungle pilot Life Sentence Publishing. Kindle Edition (2011-04-21). I thank Stendal for sparking my further reflections and thoughts.
2. New Testament | Revelation 12:12 ~ Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.
3. New Testament | Matthew 5:21-22 ~ Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire; (underline emphasis added).
4. Book of Mormon | Mosiah 3:19 ~ For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.
5. Abraham ~ Pearl of Great Price | Abraham 2:6 ~ But I, Abraham, and Lot, my brother's son, prayed unto the Lord, and the Lord appeared unto me, and said unto me: Arise, and take Lot with thee; for I have purposed to take thee away out of Haran, and to make of thee a minister to bear my name in a strange land which I will give unto thy seed after thee for an everlasting possession, when they hearken to my voice.
Moses ~ Old Testament | Exodus and Deuteronomy 1:19 ~ And when we departed from Horeb, we went through all that great and terrible wilderness, which ye saw by the way of the mountain of the Amorites, as the LORD our God commanded us;
Lehi₁ ~ Book of Mormon | 1 Nephi 1 and 1 Nephi 2:2 ~ And it came to pass that the Lord commanded my father, even in a dream, that he should take his family and depart into the wilderness.
Nephi₁ ~ Book of Mormon | 2 Nephi 5:1-2, 5 ~ BEHOLD, it came to pass that I, Nephi, did cry much unto the Lord my God, because of the anger of my brethren. But behold, their anger did increase against me, insomuch that they did seek to take away my life. … And it came to pass that the Lord did warn me, that I, Nephi, should depart from them and flee into the wilderness, and all those who would go with me.
Mosiah₁ ~ Book of Mormon | Omni 1:12 ~ Behold, I will speak unto you somewhat concerning Mosiah, who was made king over the land of Zarahemla; for behold, he being warned of the Lord that he should flee out of the land of Nephi, and as many as would hearken unto the voice of the Lord should also depart out of the land with him, into the wilderness—
King Limhi ~ Book of Mormon | Mosiah 22:2 ~ And it came to pass that they could find no way to deliver themselves out of bondage, except it were to take their women and children, and their flocks, and their herds, and their tents, and depart into the wilderness; for the Lamanites being so numerous, it was impossible for the people of Limhi to contend with them, thinking to deliver themselves out of bondage by the sword.
Alma₁~ Book of Mormon | Mosiah 23:1 ~ NOW Alma, having been warned of the Lord that the armies of king Noah₂ would come upon them, and having made it known to his people, therefore they gathered together their flocks, and took of their grain, and departed into the wilderness before the armies of king Noah.
Mahonri & Jared ~ Book of Mormon | Ether 1 and Book of Mormon | Ether 2:5-7 ~ And it came to pass that the Lord commanded them that they should go forth into the wilderness, yea, into that quarter where there never had man been. And it came to pass that the Lord did go before them, and did talk with them as he stood in a cloud, and gave directions whither they should travel. And it came to pass that they did travel in the wilderness, and did build barges, in which they did cross many waters, being directed continually by the hand of the Lord. And the Lord would not suffer that they should stop beyond the sea in the wilderness, but he would that they should come forth even unto the land of promise, which was choice above all other lands, which the Lord God had preserved for a righteous people.
Mulek ~ Book of Mormon | Mosiah 25:2 ~ Now there were not so many of the children of Nephi, or so many of those who were descendants of Nephi, as there were of the people of Zarahemla, who was a descendant of Mulek, and those who came with him into the wilderness. Book of Mormon | Helaman 6:10 ~ Now the land south was called Lehi and the land north was called Mulek, which was after the son of Zedekiah; for the Lord did bring Mulek into the land north, and Lehi into the land south. Book of Mormon | Helaman 8:21- 22 ~ And now will you dispute that Jerusalem was destroyed? Will ye say that the sons of Zedekiah were not slain, all except it were Mulek? Yea, and do ye not behold that the seed of Zedekiah are with us, and they were driven out of the land of Jerusalem? But behold, this is not all— Our father Lehi was driven out of Jerusalem because he testified of these things. Nephi also testified of these things, and also almost all of our fathers, even down to this time; yea, they have testified of the coming of Christ, and have looked forward, and have rejoiced in his day which is to come.
6. New Testament | Matthew 10:17-22 ~ But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues; And ye shall be brought before governors and kings for my sake, for a testimony against them and the Gentiles. But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak. For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you. And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death. And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.

Prologue to Divorce

Interesting how information often comes in clusters. Ten days ago I posted “Sins & Secrets”¹ after encountering, without intention, several bits of information that moved my thoughts in that direction. In studying those bits of information, a pattern characteristic of marital infidelity revealed itself. Then yesterday, a more concise pattern was unexpectedly encountered in a memoir, entitled, Rescue the Captors: Written from within a Marxist guerrilla camp in Colombia, the true story of a kidnapped jungle pilot. The author, Russell M. Stendal, added several appendices to his memoir and in the fourth one entitled, “The Fatal Tailspin,” he wrote:²

Jesus describes three steps to the break-up of a personal relationship. First, anger is allowed to build in our mind against our brother (or [spouse]). Second, our bottled up angry thoughts spill out as words of insult to the other person’s intelligence. … Finally, the inner motives of the other person are questioned and condemned. This causes heart to heart communication with the other person to abruptly cease  (p. xxxviii, bold emphasis added).

If there is an unresolved, unreconciled problem in a home, similar to the one that Jesus has been describing here in Matt. 5: 27–30 and if we are on the outs with our spouse even temporarily, it opens us up to a very dangerous temptation. As we walk down the street, all the other members of the opposite sex that we see take on added attraction. The thought occurs to us: “Hey, why didn’t I marry one of these beautiful people instead of the ‘old grouch’ that I left back at home.” As the mental fantasies build in our mind, our eyes start roaming onto any opportune target that presents itself. Sooner or later chance presents us with the possibility of actually living out one of our fantasies. The transition from mental adultery to physical adultery is surprisingly smooth provided that the relationship with the original spouse remains interrupted  (p. xlii, bold emphasis added).

The point that I believe Jesus wants to make is that seemingly innocent little impure thoughts wreak tremendous havoc on our lives and cause us permanent loss. If we allow impure thoughts such as anger, malice, unforgiveness, or impure sexual fantasies a place in our minds, they are seeds that we will be unable to prevent from germinating and translating themselves into actions. If this happens we might bear the scars of our folly for all eternity  (p. xliii).

Divorces start out with little, seemingly insignificant details and fester until they are out of control. Even a minor little grudge, if nursed long enough, can develop into a full-fledged divorce. Once adultery has taken place, all it takes is one more minor spat with the spouse, and bags are packed, bridges are burned, and the family destroyed in favor of beginning marriage anew with the “someone else” who is available and waiting (p. xliii). God can forgive and restore us after a divorce, but something is irrevocably lost whenever a marriage is broken  (p. xliv).

In Jesus’ description of the vicious cycle of how personal relationships can be destroyed, starting with a buildup of anger and ending in a divorce, the place that he tells us to watch out for the Evil One is at the very end when the Enemy would like to help us rationalize our problem and pretend that it really wasn’t our fault. If at any stage during the breakup of a personal relationship, we are able to honestly face our share of the blame and come to God with the broken attitude of the “poor in spirit,” throwing ourselves upon his mercy, it is possible to break the vicious circle of evil feeding on itself and replace it with the positive, opposite, upward spiral of mercy and love described by Jesus in his beatitudes. Remember: Good can also feed on itself and get better and better the longer we spend planting seeds of mercy, forgiveness, love, and justice. In the Kingdom of God the sky is, literally, the limit. Unlike evil, which can only corrupt and destroy that which was once wholesome and pure, good is creative and knows no upper bounds. There is no upper limit to what God can do with a human life if we are willing to co-operate with him  (pp. xlv-xlvi, bold emphasis added).

Oh, that we could see the pattern at its beginning; that we could acknowledge faults within ourselves; that we knew and lived the Beatitudes; that we were always willing to co-operate with Him.

And how déjà vu this pattern when we begin to divorce ourselves from God.

-----------------/
1. http://dejavu-timestwo.blogspot.ca/2015/11/sins-secrets.html
2. Stendal, Russell, Rescue the Captors: Written from within a Marxist guerrilla camp in Colombia, the true story of a kidnapped jungle pilot LIFE SENTENCE Publishing. Kindle Edition. (2011-04-21).
Additional Stendal quotes:
How can such “beautiful people” have such horrible divorces? How do personal relationships fall apart? Jesus says it all starts the minute we begin to harbor a grudge against someone else in our family  (p. xxxvii).
When our conscience begins to make us feel uneasy and insecure, due to a damaged personal relationship in our life, how easy it is to head for church to salve our conscience instead of swallowing our pride and going to see the person we have wronged. Jesus says that he doesn’t want to see us in church, or even receive an offering from us, until we have tried our best to reconcile any broken relationships with those around us. Even if the problem seems to be only 1% our fault and 99% the fault of the other party, we are still required to seek the other person out  (pp. xxxix-xli).
Most patients requiring psychiatric treatment have, at the root of their problem, an unreconciled hatred for someone, coupled with bitterness and unforgiveness  (pp. xli-xlii).